Jacob
and Lacey meet through her brother and start dating. Lacey’s brother has asked
Jacob to break up with his sister. Wanting to obey his friend’s wishes, he
agrees. Jacob takes Lacey back to his place where he’ll have privacy to deliver
the bad news.
Lacey’s lips trembled and her dark eyelashes batted,
as if trying to stop a tide of tears.
He stiffened, anticipating her
verbal blow.
She wiped at her eyes. “Jacob, I
don’t know how to say this…”
Lacey
needs you, man, she needs you to do the right thing and call it off. He
opened his mouth to speak, but his tongue twisted up. He tried again to talk and
found he lacked the ability.
Pink dusted over Lacey’s cheeks as
she laughed. “God, I feel like a silly school girl, why can’t I say this?”
He smiled, but remained speechless.
He couldn’t say the words to break her heart. Daniel told me not to hurt her, how can I do this to her? Together,
they brought joy to otherwise dull lives. He didn’t want to give up the light
and excitement she added.
Jacob looked down at his hands. She squeezed his
thigh and narrowed the space between them and pressed up against him. He fell
back against the chipped headboard, stunned.
She straddled him, and flurried kisses
all over his face, on his mouth, down his neck. She slipped her tongue in his
mouth. When he opened his eyes, her plunging satin bra confronted
him, revealing a creamy softness he longed to touch.
“Lacey…”
“Jacob,” her eyes were all misty. “I
want you. Will you be my first?”
A thud resonated in his head. He
closed his eyes for a minute, willing the image of her body, so perfect, so
smooth, out of his head.
“Look at me,” she said in a subtly
seductive voice.
He opened his eyes and the bra was
gone. Her skirt had also disappeared. She stood before him, almost entirely
naked, except for black satin panties.
It was something out of his
fantasy.
“Are you sure? There’s no rush,
Lacey.”
“Oh, Jacob, I’m more than sure. I’ve
been thinking about you…” The lilt of her voice made his whole body quake with
an electric current.
Whoo hoo! Lacey, way to take charge and destract Jacob from his purpose. LOL. I felt invested in them from the very first few sentences...I like being in Jacob's head, hearing how hard it is for him to think about breaking up with her. You did a great job showing Jacob's emotions here, how does he decide between doing the right thing and the image of his fantasy before him? Makes me want to read more and find out what the brother thinks about Jacob stealing his sister's virginity. Great job! Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm post #42 :)
Thanks so much! I loved yours too! So steamy, love the hotness!
DeleteWow. Steamy stuff. I want to know how her brother's going to handle this as well--even if Lacey was the instigator in the situation. You had some nice phrases in here. Loved "Pink dusted over Lacey's cheeks..."
ReplyDeleteAlthough in the last sentence, I wondered if "hilt" is the word you're looking for. I think it should be lilt. I looked hilt up on dictionary.com because I wasn't sure, and it's usually used in weaponry terms.
Margie #40 -- who greatly appreciated your stopping by and saying such kind things :)
Thanks Margie! It's all fixed now. Thank you for your comments. It was actually steamier, but I had to tone it down a bit for the blog.
DeleteThanks for your critique. Returning the favor.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, great scene! I sense trouble on the horizon for Jacob. I love stories involving hard choices and I think you nail it. My only critique would be your use of the word 'slithered'. That word brings up all kinds of negative feelings and it really turned my off from Lacey (seriously, I imagined a snake doing a striptease in his lap).
Apart from that, great job.
Ravenous, thanks for your feedback! Yes, this is only the beginning of the trouble! I removed slithered in the above posting just to see if it would flow better. Thanks for your feedback!
DeleteTalk about hawtness! I love, love, love the impossible situation you've thrown Jacob into! Where is the rest of this scene? I need to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
Ah, Bonnie, that means so much, thank you! The scene actually ends with him thinking "No one has to get hurt" which is actually wrong, because someone does indeed get hurt.
DeleteThe last line, beginning with, "The lilt of her voice..." is a great closer for the scene. Shows that he couldn't resist even if he tried! Good luck! --Amy (#5)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments! And yes, Lacey at her best is irrepressible!
DeleteI completely love that Lacey owns this scene, start to finish. You do a great job of telling from Jacob's POV even though the poor guy clearly never catches up to her. That last line is great, and really emphasizes who is running this show. Nice!
ReplyDelete--Barb (#38)
I'm so giddy that in only 350 words, ya'll got the characters so well. That makes me so happy to read! I'm going to cruise over to yours now, thanks for the wonderful comments!
DeleteDitto what Barb said! This is super hot!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'll be sure to visit yours! I read it earlier but didn't have time to comment. I'll go by now :)
DeleteYou came around and commented on mine (#27) so I wanted to return the favor. Only, I actually skimmed through a few entries this morning and made a note of how much I really liked this so I wouldn't forget to come back to it tonight when I had more time. I REALLY like this! I like that it's told from Jacob's POV so we can see how he's torn over how much he wants Lacey, and how he promised her brother he would leave her alone. She really puts him on the spot! This scene has just the perfect mix of sweet and hot and romantic. I love how bold she is, taking matters into her own hands and refusing to just give up. I would love to keep reading! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMaggie, thanks for stopping by! Yes, that's how I love to write all love/kissing scenes with enough heat to make them sizzle. The tension with her brother's lack of approval is a big element in their story, but she knows what she wants, and it's Jacob.
DeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteHoly Cannoli!
I'm one of Cupid's Kissing Judges and I am over here fanning myself! What a steamy scene! I agree with Barb above that it's nice that even from Jacob's POV, the girl is totally empowered.
I'd like to give you my GET A ROOM AWARD! I hope that it, along with these other amazing comments is an encouragement to you and I wish you every single DROP of success imaginable with your current and future projects! :D
Kels,
Deletewow, thank you so much! It's very exciting to get a "Get A Room Award"! And I appreciate your wishes of success. That is so super awesome of you.
Ha! Good luck breaking up now:) Although I am curious as to how the scene plays out. Gah! But I like to agree with Kels above and say GET A ROOM!!!!:)
ReplyDeleteRebecca #21
Rebecca, thanks for handing out the Get a Room pin too!! Yeah, this definitely just complicated things! Yep, exactly what you said...Good luck breaking up now! I'm glad you're curious about how the scene plays out...it gets a bit more graphic, before the chapter ends.
DeleteYour post was so cute and swoony, thanks for coming over!
Wow. So he was gonna break up with her. And she wants to have sex. this could get interesting. :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely deserving of the Get a room award!
Thanks for the award!!! And thanks for the comments--this definitely complicates matters.
DeletePoor Jacob, between a rock and a hard place...sort of! ;)
ReplyDeleteHe does make a stab at being valiant: "There's no rush Lacey..." that gives him points in my book!
And oh Miss Lacey, dressed in those underthings, I'd say this was a pre-meditated seduction ;)
The only thing I would say - while overall you do a nice job establishing Jacob's POV, I'm not sure he'd use phrases like "plunging satin bra" and "slacks" - these didn't feel right coming from him.
Good Luck!
Melonie (#29)
This scene takes place right after he's picked her up from work and I thought "slacks" was a good term for describing the kind of pants you wear to wear to work. I told my husband about this, and he totally agreed that "slacks" = not sexy, lol. He say she should wear a skirt instead and I wanted to smack him at the smirk on his face. So, bottom line, I agree with you now, and I'm going to change it! Thanks for the catch, and I appreciate your comments!
DeleteHaha. I was *not* expecting that twist from Lacey! Did she know what his intentions were? Definitely makes it hard for Jacob now! Great job with this scene, really fun! --Saybe (#23)
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't know what his intentions are, as half-hearted as they are. He doesn't really want to break up with her, but her brother is his sparring partner at the gym (mixed martial arts) and he doesn't want to fracture the friendship he's created, yet, he is so into her, he's caught in a bad place. Thanks!
DeleteSo nice to see a woman so in charge of a scene like this. And I love that Jacob got the opposite to what he came for....
ReplyDeleteThanks! Yes, I love the irony in scenes like this. I actually adore making my characters think one thing will happen, but changing it up, so they're always on their toes.
DeleteOoh, boy, I LOVE this one. I actually laughed out loud when she said "I want you." SO not what he came there for. Awesome! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLarissa (#47)
Ah, I'm glad to make you laugh! Yeah, this scene is a little tongue-in-cheek for sure.
DeleteLoved how Jacob's good intentions went right out the door. Can't wait to read how he's going to get out of this one. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAh thanks! I can't wait to share Lacey and Jacob with everyone!
DeleteI'm blushing :) Great scene!
ReplyDeleteLeslie
#50
Blushing is good! Thanks for the compliment :)
DeleteGreat steamy scene! And I loved that she was making it so hard for him to break things off with her. :)
ReplyDeleteLacey's determination (about all things) is a big driving force in the book, and sometimes, it works out for her, other times, not so much.
DeleteWow! so hot! And I love the underlying tension. Wonderful, wonderful scene.
ReplyDeleteLaurie #16
Thanks Laurie! It means a lot!
DeleteGreat turn of events! You keep us on our toes, in more ways than one. Great job here with this scene. Very sultry!
ReplyDeleteThanks Tracey! I definitely enjoy keeping my characters guessing. And I love it sultry (obviously!) :)
DeleteI like the premise here but I feel like everything happened way to fast. I wanted the build up to where she is at the end to last a lot longer. You had great tension in the conversation leading up to the kiss, but I wanted that same tension and steam to carry through the rest.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a "Get a room" award!
Good luck with your entry.
Jamie (entry #3)
Thanks for the award! And thanks for taking a look!
DeleteI'm really conflicted about this one. I'm giving it the Red Lips. Mostly because--dude, she's stripping and offering her virginity to him as he's trying to dump her. I'm pretty sure someone is going to be embarrassed soon.
ReplyDeleteN~ (aka, Kissing Expert)
N, Kissing Expert,
DeleteThanks for the "Red Lips" Award. I know the context is hard to boil down into 350 words, but the choice here he faces has to deal with his logic (doing what her brother asked) or following his heart (being with her.) Ultimately, his heart wins, and this creates tension between her brother and him, thus she does not end up embarrassed or heartbroken by him. In the longer portion, the whole scene, it's very clear how he wrestles with the issue.
Thank you for coming by and having a look!
Your wording was great, and I had a nice understanding for Jacob's feelings. There were a couple of places I got a bit lost. In the first sentence, it sounded like she was going to cry, but a couple sentences later, she laughed. Also, first she was straddling him, then she stood in front of him naked. Maybe a half-sentence here or there would solve it. Otherwise, you've described quite a wonderful, terrible situation ;-)
ReplyDeleteLaura, Kiss #33, BSD #112
This scene is quite steamy. Some other people have mentioned it but I agree that it was awesome that Lacey was so impowered and poor Jacob was left speechless. She knew eactly what she wanted!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Laura that a few sentences here and there to explain that she got up would help clarify her movements better but other than that, this is awesome! I really enjoyed reading it. I like the description of the blush here: "Pink dusted over Lacey’s cheeks as she laughed".
-Amber (#41)
I'm not part of the bloghop or anything, but I saw you on Talynn's blog and wanted to stop by--your first kiss with your hubby was so cute:-) And LOVE this scene . . . soooo good!!! I want to read more:-)
ReplyDeleteAh, thanks, your comment made my smile! I hope that soon I can share Jacob and Lacey with everyone :)
ReplyDelete